This is an extreme example of lack of sympathy. Please put your self in this little girl’s situation. Imagine for just a moment that you are 3 years old yourself, and you are running on very hot sand. What would you want someone, especially your mother, to do? Rescue you by picking you up? Exactly!

You want someone to care enough about your current struggle to help you get out of it. Instead, what did this 3 year old get? She got a cold, judgmental mom, who had lost her ability to be compassionate toward her 3 year old child. This is an example of a toxic relationship.

How sad. How tragic. How common. Without a doubt, this mom treated her own struggles with the same lack of compassion toward herself. Life is difficult, but it doesn’t have to be harsh. We can recognize a reality of life which is that struggles happen, and we can relearn to accept them with love, and kind support.

That’s right. We can relearn a skill we were born with. We can relearn to trust and show true love in our relationships with ourselves and others.

Imagine a struggle you had as a child. Remember the pain, the fear, and the anger, because no one was there to help you. Let yourself really get into the memory of this difficult experience, but this time, let’s change the outcome together.

See a kind person lift you up, hold your hand, or guide you to safety and comfort or whatever is necessary to get you back to feeling okay and safe. With this image of kind support being given to you, now go back to our 3 year old running on the hot sand at the beach. What would you do for that 3 year old if you were on the beach with her? Would you run over and pick her up? I hope so.

The second step is loving yourself unconditionally. Once you develop some compassion, it makes it easier to accept yourself, and to nurture your real self. Your real self is kind, caring, witty, intuitive, brilliant, competent and unique, no matter what you have learned from family, friends or anyone else in your life. The lucky people who were raised with kind and nurturing support already know this, but most of us were not raised with this kind parenting. Nor were our parents, and that is why so many people are handling the stresses of life so poorly.

The third step is complimenting and admiring others as often as possible. Look for the best in others and learn the joy of also discovering wonderful qualities about yourself that you may have forgotten or completely repressed. That’s right! You cannot compliment someone or admire another person for anything without also possessing it yourself. That is why this is a powerful way to accelerate positive beliefs in yourself, and hence, your own self-love. Try it. You will be pleasantly surprised. Reduce your stress and develop a healthy relationship with yourself.

Falling madly in love with yourself is worth all the effort you will put into it, and if you develop the habits of compassion, loving yourself unconditionally, and complimenting and admiring others, you will experience true joy. You will no longer be stuck in the loneliness of negative, self-judgmental thinking. You will be open to the world, and the world will miraculously be more open to you. All of your love relationships will improve, since your relationship with yourself forms the basis for all of your relationships with others.