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Compromising in relations

Saturday, June 28th, 2008

compromise.bmpCompromising is very much like setting boundaries, or drafting an agreement or honoring a commitment. These are basic skills for life in general and are important skills for a successful relationship with co-workers, friends and also love relationships.

Too many people feel that compromise takes away from who they are as an individual, or is a sign of weakness or makes them appear to be the passive partner in a relationship. Compromise is nothing like that at all unless you make the wrong compromises!

Knowing how to compromise is a key component to a healthy and relationship of any type that you hope will last a long time or perhaps a lifetime. Without the willingness and ability to compromise, your work, friendship and committed relationships can be at risk for failure. If you have experienced failed relationships in your past, now is the time to break those old habits and create new ones.

What are ‘wrong compromises’? Wrong compromises are where you have you suffered a loss when you compromised with someone. If a compromise makes you feel taken advantage of or wronged then it is not a healthy compromise in any type of relationship.

Keep in mind when making a compromise you need to keep three key elements in play:

1. Mutual respect for all involved

2. Complete honesty in how you feel and think

3. Good intentions and good will for all involved

Before you compromise with anyone about anything, create some basic ‘rules’ or guidelines that each person agrees to and will honor during the conversation regarding what you are trying to compromise on. Below are a few you can use or modify to fit your relationship.

· It is unacceptable to all parties involved that anyone will experience a substantial loss.

· It is crucial to the success of the compromise that each person trust that the other will not take advantage of him or her or otherwise harm the other(s) in any way.

· It is a mutual agreement that each person involved commits to as close to a win/win result as is possible.

· Neither person will agree to a compromise if he or she thinks or feels they can not or will not be able to live with the compromise.

Be sure to add any others that will help you become willing and able to compromise. Write them down if that helps keep everyone on the same page. Update them as your relationship progresses and perhaps your thoughts and feelings on issues change.

There should be no room for fears or past behavior. No one in any relationship wants to deal with an old, injured part of you! Put those past behaviors and thought patterns behind you and create a fresh new mindset for all your future relationships!

Become the full expression of your passionate, loving and wonderful self. Repair the disillusionment and disappointment from the past by trusting yourself to make the right choices, seeking counsel if you feel you are not making a right choice and be totally open and honest with those you have relationships with whether in a work, personal friendship or love relationship situation.

Become willing to be your best self in the here and now and act from your authentic, integrated self. You’re worth it!

Maintaining long distance bonds

Friday, June 27th, 2008

Neither a break-up time bomb nor a recipe for relationship disaster, long-distance relationship offer the best of both worlds!

Long Distance RelationshipsI’ve interacted with many couples who are in a long-distance relationship and my conclusion after looking at these happy couples is that it does provide the best of both worlds. Take the case of Kelly Page. Married to a shippie, she meets her husband twice a year for 2 months. “It is certainly the best time in our lives. We are now married for 14 years, but even today the thought of meeting him sets my heart a flutter. Also all these years have made me fiercely independent and I have my own set of activities and social circle, but yet the time spent with my husband is what I cherish the most. I prefer this space in our relationship”

Like Kelly there are many who are totally for long distance relationships.Long Distance Relationships It gives them the space to be themselves and at the same time they are able to preserve the freshness of their relationship! Here are a few learnings from them you could use, if you are also getting into one.

1. Trust matters: One of the most important factors in any relationship is that of trust, and when you are in a long-distance relationship it becomes all the more vital. But you need to be smart too; the idea isn’t to trust blindly. Make friends in the vicinity of your mate’s house, and subtly keep a check on him without both knowing you are doing so. Never make it obvious. Once in a while drop in unexpectedly, but don’t make a habit of it, it will become obvious.

Long Distance Relationships2. Keep communication open: Be in touch with your mate. Online chats, telephone conversations and having him on your mind plays an important role in maintaining a long distance relationship. If you feel something isn’t right, talk openly about it, resolve all your fears and insecurities. It will only strengthen the bond.

3. When you meet, make sure you both have a memorable time: Make a list of all that you want to do when your mate comes over and do it all. Tell him to do the same. This will make both of you look forward to theLong Distance Relationships time spent with each other.

4. Try not to be on your best behaviour when your partner’s around, the advice is to be yourself. This will ensure that there aren’t any false expectations when the two of you eventually start living together.

5. Know each other’s social circle: It is important to know each other’s friends and social circles well. Otherwise when either of you go visiting, it will become awkward if you aren’t familiar with each other’s friends. This will also give you both a feeling of acceptance, which is important in the relationship.

6. Talk out about the future: Don’t keep pushing the issue of who will eventually move in, under the carpet. It is necessary to resolve whatever conflicts arise in this matter in the initial stages itself, otherwise later the issue will snowball into a larger crisis.

Refrain from these common mistakes in relationship

Friday, June 20th, 2008

RelatiopnshipsPeople often wonder what the most important aspect of a relationship is. Is it compatibility? Having things in common, the same religious or political beliefs? What about honesty or getting along; never fighting? No, being able to talk is the key; communication, because, as long as you can talk and respect each other’s views, then you have a healthy relationship.

So, when trying to communicate with your partner, what are some things to avoid? Well,Talking and Yelling one common mistake people make is the manner in which they talk to their partner. Unless you are attending a college class, you probably do not like to be lectured. Well, your partner is the same way. So if you have a problem with some aspect of the relationship, don’t sit down with them and just lecture or yell at them. Communication is a two-way street. Talk to them, and then listen to them.

Next is honesty. If there is something about your partner that is bothering you, or someHonesty aspects of the relationship that you feel needs to be worked on - say so. Nothing hurts a couple more than one person holding something inside and letting it fester there. It will only serve to poison your feelings, and sour the relationship. Sometimes, this can be very difficult. If your partner is opposed to having children, and you really want them, this can lead to a break up. Yet, far better you separate than remain together and both end up unhappy. Or, on the other hand, by talking about something, you may find that they share your views, and the matter can easily be agreed to. Finally, there is the option of compromise. Maybe you can’t work things out to perfection. But, if you are both truly dedicated to the relationship, you should be willing to find common ground.

One very ordinary mistake people make when trying to talk about something is not doing just that. They start out talking about an important issue and then get side-tracked. This often happens when one of you brings up something that is painful for the other to dealHealthy Relations with; you will change the subject in order to defend yourself. As tempting as this may be, don’t do it. Keep your focus on the matter at hand.

It is said that our lives are very full these days. Work, family, hobbies etc. fill up our time and make a simple conversation something you almost have to do online via instant messaging! This can lead to another common mistake for a couple: either putting a conversation off or trying to do it in the midst of the chaos of their lives. Talking means doing just that! So, the two of you find a nice comfortable place to do it, and eliminate distractions. Also, don’t wait until the last minute right before bed to try and have a heavy-duty serious chat. That is the time to discuss a sexual fantasy, not whether or not you should buy a new car!

This may sound odd, but sometimes you need to make a date to talk to your partner. These days, we schedule so much in our lives, why not a time to talk? And, it doesn’t have to be a very complex matter. Something as simple as deciding that every Sunday morning the two of you go out to breakfast can do it. A nice local diner, the Sunday paper, and some privacy. You eat, chat, read, and then discuss anything that is truly important. A relationship is like anything else in this world; it has to be worked on, fed, and nurtured if it is to grow and live and develop into something lasting.

Healthy Relations

Valentine’s Day Barbecue routine

Saturday, June 14th, 2008
by Sue

St Valentine is the patron saint of lovers so it’s time to show our love so I’ve jotted down a few ideas and reminders of some of the things you can do but remember I am the “Barbecue Smoker Recipe Man” so there’s a BBQ slant to that all important point about how to cook a meal for your loved one.First let’s cover the basics, and remember guys, this is entry level. In her eyes this isn’t nice to have, it’s MUST have!It’s always good to start with a card, in fact if you forget the card then you might as well forget the rest of the day. Flowers are the other essential and red roses are traditional but this year maybe it’s time for change. I’m going for lilies simply because the red rose is a bit predictable, there’s always the dilemma about how many to get but the main reason for me is that lilies provide such a great splash of color.The final essential is the meal. We’re having a great start to the year, whether it’s down to Global warming or not I don’t know my this year is turning out to be one of the mildest on record and so many of my friends are already turning to the barbecue. I know I will be, but if you do please remember that especially when it comes to a Valentine’s Day Barbecue you really must break the sexual stereotype! If you haven’t grasped it yet, check out the BBQ rules below and make sure you don’t end up in the same situation!BBQ RULES

It is important to jog your memory on the etiquette of this ever more important outdoor cooking activity.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:


(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill with a beer in his hand.

Here comes the important part:


More routine…

(5) The woman heads inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(6) The woman rushes outside to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:


More routine…

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women…

Dating a Cheapskate…? Here are the tips

Thursday, June 12th, 2008

thrift.bmpIs your guy so cheap he squeaks when he walks? Is your girl so thrifty she uses tea bags thrice? I feel your pain.I too was a long-suffering companion of a date who felt that a root canal was preferable to spending money.

Allow me to introduce him. We’ll call him Rob. (I’ll call him the most miserly, tightfisted Scrooge to ever walk the face of the planet.) Let’s have a look at some of Rob’s endearingly frugal ways, penny-pinching behavior that bought our relationship to an untimely end.

Restaurant dates were for special occasions only. Lucky me, my birthday counted as special enough to warrant forking out the cash for dinner. But tightwad Rob would insist that we order main courses only — no dessert or starters. And he would hound the wait staff to replenish our bread, which he then wrapped in a napkin and stuffed in his jacket pocket. For breakfast.

On the rare occasion we would stay in a hotel (usually when someone else, such as myToiletries work, was paying) he’d load up on all the toiletries from the bathroom and then call housekeeping to replace them. This would go on every day during the stay and we’d depart with a suitcase full of crappy miniature shampoos.

Sound familiar? Perhaps you’ve got your own special brand of skinflint in your life who is forever calculating the cost of things, bemoaning spending money on things that aren’t considered essential or practical and basically ruining the romance by being so damn cheap.

How do you get your stingy date to see that splashing the cash now and then isn’t such a bad thing? Our tips will help your prize open his steel-trap wallet or loosen her purse strings — if only for a moment.

Pay Your Way

The classic cheapskate hates the idea of spending good money on food in restaurants when you can cook for yourself at home. True but not very romantic. Tightwads, particularly guys, are wary of restaurant dates because they feel the onus is on them to pay. Put your Scrooge’s mind at ease by offering to split the cost of eating out and letting them choose a restaurant with prices they are comfortable with — and no, McDonald’s doesn’t count as a date-worthy restaurant.

Discount Vouchers

There’s nothing the money minder loves more than discount coupons. Use these to your advantage by collecting as many offers and two-for-one deals as you can, then when you next want to see a movie or go to an exhibition and your honey whines that it costs too much money, you can whip out one of these babies and show them that you’re actually saving them money. Watch their little eyes light up as they do the math. Then sit back and enjoy your date.

Flower Power

Love having the odd bunch of flowers to brighten your day but your date is too stingy to spring for the occasional bouquet? To be fair, florists can get pretty expensive, with some retailers charging for flowers by the single stem and bouquets costing more than your weekly grocery bill. Instead of fighting a losing battle with your lovable miser, take matters into your own hands and steer them towards a local growers’ markets where garden-fresh blooms can be had for a fraction of the retail price.

Note to Cheapskates: If cut flowers seem like a waste of money to you (they only wither and die, moneygrubbers protest), buy your loved one a potted plant instead. You’ll win big points for your romantic gesture and you get to keep your wallet firmly closed for many months to come since potted plants last well past their cut-flower counterparts.

Speak their Language

Penny-pinchers watch their spending like the proverbial hawk and know exactly how much money is in their wallets at any given time, and you know it’s going to take something pretty special for them to cough up for something they see as an unnecessary purchase or expense. Show your date that you care about saving money.

For example, on Sunday morning, have breakfast at home: Two coffees, orange juices, scrambled eggs on toast, the morning newspaper, some sliced fruit. After your breakfast, lean over and whisper to your cheapskate date, “Honey, we just saved $40 dollars eating breakfast at home this morning.” This is music to their stingy little ears. Follow this up by purring “Now we can afford to see a movie this afternoon, aren’t we clever?” Try it. It’s like feeding candy to a baby.

Now if you can just rustle up some discount vouchers for the cinema, you just might be able to wrench a serving of popcorn out of them, too.

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