Compromising is very much like setting boundaries, or drafting an agreement or honoring a commitment. These are basic skills for life in general and are important skills for a successful relationship with co-workers, friends and also love relationships.

Too many people feel that compromise takes away from who they are as an individual, or is a sign of weakness or makes them appear to be the passive partner in a relationship. Compromise is nothing like that at all unless you make the wrong compromises!

Knowing how to compromise is a key component to a healthy and relationship of any type that you hope will last a long time or perhaps a lifetime. Without the willingness and ability to compromise, your work, friendship and committed relationships can be at risk for failure. If you have experienced failed relationships in your past, now is the time to break those old habits and create new ones.

What are ‘wrong compromises’? Wrong compromises are where you have you suffered a loss when you compromised with someone. If a compromise makes you feel taken advantage of or wronged then it is not a healthy compromise in any type of relationship.

Keep in mind when making a compromise you need to keep three key elements in play:

1. Mutual respect for all involved

2. Complete honesty in how you feel and think

3. Good intentions and good will for all involved

Before you compromise with anyone about anything, create some basic ‘rules’ or guidelines that each person agrees to and will honor during the conversation regarding what you are trying to compromise on. Below are a few you can use or modify to fit your relationship.

· It is unacceptable to all parties involved that anyone will experience a substantial loss.

· It is crucial to the success of the compromise that each person trust that the other will not take advantage of him or her or otherwise harm the other(s) in any way.

· It is a mutual agreement that each person involved commits to as close to a win/win result as is possible.

· Neither person will agree to a compromise if he or she thinks or feels they can not or will not be able to live with the compromise.

Be sure to add any others that will help you become willing and able to compromise. Write them down if that helps keep everyone on the same page. Update them as your relationship progresses and perhaps your thoughts and feelings on issues change.

There should be no room for fears or past behavior. No one in any relationship wants to deal with an old, injured part of you! Put those past behaviors and thought patterns behind you and create a fresh new mindset for all your future relationships!

Become the full expression of your passionate, loving and wonderful self. Repair the disillusionment and disappointment from the past by trusting yourself to make the right choices, seeking counsel if you feel you are not making a right choice and be totally open and honest with those you have relationships with whether in a work, personal friendship or love relationship situation.

Become willing to be your best self in the here and now and act from your authentic, integrated self. You’re worth it!

Neither a break-up time bomb nor a recipe for relationship disaster, long-distance relationship offer the best of both worlds!

I’ve interacted with many couples who are in a long-distance relationship and my conclusion after looking at these happy couples is that it does provide the best of both worlds. Take the case of Kelly Page. Married to a shippie, she meets her husband twice a year for 2 months. “It is certainly the best time in our lives. We are now married for 14 years, but even today the thought of meeting him sets my heart a flutter. Also all these years have made me fiercely independent and I have my own set of activities and social circle, but yet the time spent with my husband is what I cherish the most. I prefer this space in our relationship”

Like Kelly there are many who are totally for long distance relationships. It gives them the space to be themselves and at the same time they are able to preserve the freshness of their relationship! Here are a few learnings from them you could use, if you are also getting into one.

1. Trust matters: One of the most important factors in any relationship is that of trust, and when you are in a long-distance relationship it becomes all the more vital. But you need to be smart too; the idea isn’t to trust blindly. Make friends in the vicinity of your mate’s house, and subtly keep a check on him without both knowing you are doing so. Never make it obvious. Once in a while drop in unexpectedly, but don’t make a habit of it, it will become obvious.

2. Keep communication open: Be in touch with your mate. Online chats, telephone conversations and having him on your mind plays an important role in maintaining a long distance relationship. If you feel something isn’t right, talk openly about it, resolve all your fears and insecurities. It will only strengthen the bond.

3. When you meet, make sure you both have a memorable time: Make a list of all that you want to do when your mate comes over and do it all. Tell him to do the same. This will make both of you look forward to the time spent with each other.

4. Try not to be on your best behaviour when your partner’s around, the advice is to be yourself. This will ensure that there aren’t any false expectations when the two of you eventually start living together.

5. Know each other’s social circle: It is important to know each other’s friends and social circles well. Otherwise when either of you go visiting, it will become awkward if you aren’t familiar with each other’s friends. This will also give you both a feeling of acceptance, which is important in the relationship.

6. Talk out about the future: Don’t keep pushing the issue of who will eventually move in, under the carpet. It is necessary to resolve whatever conflicts arise in this matter in the initial stages itself, otherwise later the issue will snowball into a larger crisis.

People often wonder what the most important aspect of a relationship is. Is it compatibility? Having things in common, the same religious or political beliefs? What about honesty or getting along; never fighting? No, being able to talk is the key; communication, because, as long as you can talk and respect each other’s views, then you have a healthy relationship.

So, when trying to communicate with your partner, what are some things to avoid? Well, one common mistake people make is the manner in which they talk to their partner. Unless you are attending a college class, you probably do not like to be lectured. Well, your partner is the same way. So if you have a problem with some aspect of the relationship, don’t sit down with them and just lecture or yell at them. Communication is a two-way street. Talk to them, and then listen to them.

Next is honesty. If there is something about your partner that is bothering you, or some aspects of the relationship that you feel needs to be worked on - say so. Nothing hurts a couple more than one person holding something inside and letting it fester there. It will only serve to poison your feelings, and sour the relationship. Sometimes, this can be very difficult. If your partner is opposed to having children, and you really want them, this can lead to a break up. Yet, far better you separate than remain together and both end up unhappy. Or, on the other hand, by talking about something, you may find that they share your views, and the matter can easily be agreed to. Finally, there is the option of compromise. Maybe you can’t work things out to perfection. But, if you are both truly dedicated to the relationship, you should be willing to find common ground.

One very ordinary mistake people make when trying to talk about something is not doing just that. They start out talking about an important issue and then get side-tracked. This often happens when one of you brings up something that is painful for the other to deal with; you will change the subject in order to defend yourself. As tempting as this may be, don’t do it. Keep your focus on the matter at hand.

It is said that our lives are very full these days. Work, family, hobbies etc. fill up our time and make a simple conversation something you almost have to do online via instant messaging! This can lead to another common mistake for a couple: either putting a conversation off or trying to do it in the midst of the chaos of their lives. Talking means doing just that! So, the two of you find a nice comfortable place to do it, and eliminate distractions. Also, don’t wait until the last minute right before bed to try and have a heavy-duty serious chat. That is the time to discuss a sexual fantasy, not whether or not you should buy a new car!

This may sound odd, but sometimes you need to make a date to talk to your partner. These days, we schedule so much in our lives, why not a time to talk? And, it doesn’t have to be a very complex matter. Something as simple as deciding that every Sunday morning the two of you go out to breakfast can do it. A nice local diner, the Sunday paper, and some privacy. You eat, chat, read, and then discuss anything that is truly important. A relationship is like anything else in this world; it has to be worked on, fed, and nurtured if it is to grow and live and develop into something lasting.