Without a doubt one of the greatest encumbrances to the health and longevity of our relationships is the balance in the relationship between self protection and extending our self to promote the relationship.

Togetherness

Also in a “perfect relationship” we would take steps to foster the relationship. We would mull over the needs and weaknesses of the other, we would spend time cultivating common interests, working through conflicts in a sensitive ways and compromising on many levels for the greater good of the relationship.

Detachment

Preferably in a “perfect relationship” we are able to protect ourselves by being able to say no when we need to walk away from conflict, go outside the relationship to meet certain emotional, intellectual, and friendship needs, or just be free to pull away temporarily to nurture ourselves.

Our relational responsibilities

This is basically a personal responsibility issue. We all have a commitment to be as healthy as possible and when we choose to forsake healthy behaviors we cannot meet other obligations. The bottom line is whenever your own well being is in direct contrast to fostering a relationship you are out of balance and you and the relationship will inevitably suffer.

This is without a doubt one of the dynamics most commonly wrapped up in my clients lives no matter what other issues they are dealing with. If you were not raised in a family (and many were not) that taught personal self-care as a good and healthy thing this may be foriegn to you. For example:

-It is good to step back from a relationship when you have become a sounding board for a habitual whiner.

-It is good to say no if you can’t freely say yes.

-It is not good and healthy to have a personal policy that always puts others needs before your own.

-It is good and even imperative to remove all support from someone who is engaging in self-destructive behavior.

In some families obligation to one’s self is seen as disloyalty or disrespect. Where openly speaking your mind is considered rude and unloving. It can be difficult to begin bring balance to these situations. But across the board to achieve a healthy meaningful relationship with anyone means finding the balance between fostering self-care and nurturing the relationship.

Out of balance

If we make a mistake on one side or the other the relationship will bear. Whether we become personally distressed because the relationship has taken too high of a priority and we become unhappy and drained, or we detach to such a degree the bonds of the relationship begin to erode and weaken. Maybe it no longer meets the needs commonly associated with a healthy relationship love, connection, shared activities, emotional support etc.

Could your busy life be the cause of your child’s temper bad temper? When baby has a meltdown or a toddler has a blowup, we often lay the fault on everything. But, could the increasing number of tantrums be much less physiological in origin than we would care to believe? Are we guilty of being more attentive to our children when they are bad than when they are being good?

No doubt that illness can make a baby irritable and ill tempered. We all have had the unpleasant experience of being awakened from a sound sleep by a child screaming from the pain of an earache or some other physical problem. These episodes are completely unrelated to the garden variety temper tantrums that might result from a parent interfering in some delightful activity that might be causing chaos like spreading peanut butter on the wallpaper.

It’s explicable that your child would be unhappy under these circumstances, but what about those times when for no reason the temper crabbiness burst forth for no reason? If there is no illness or unwanted reprimand to blame it on, what could be the cause? Perhaps the root of the problem is found in the behavior of the caretaker or parent in charge rather than some underlying condition on the part of the child.

Modern parents have a lot on their hands. They want a career with the money and accomplishments that comes with it as well as a warm and loving family. Sadly, neither careers nor families can flourish under these neglectful circumstances. Unless the family is nourished and tended there are a number of things that may go awry. Temper tantrums are often a manifestation of a child that is feeling lonely or uncared for. Put quite simply, the child is acting up to get more attention.

I have seen more than one case where a smiling, sunny tempered baby turned into a very angry behavior problem because mom and dad didn’t see the warning signs. A mild mannered baby was taken for granted and virtually ignored. At some point the child began to think that the way to get more attention was to whine. Parents are encouraged by childcare experts to overlook occasional whining so when a low level complaint is not heeded; the volume goes up until the whine becomes a scream or a temper tantrum on a grand scale.

Once things go this far, the fix is not an easy one. It is far easier for children to be given the praise and attention that they long for for being good than to have to deal with temper irritability and learn how to handle them later.

In the competitive era of business today it is imperative that all your written work be accurate and concise. Be it’s sales letters, brochures, newsletters, or daily correspondence,clients and prospects will measure your company’s professionalism by the quality ofyour marketing material.

• Keep your writing simple and easy to read.

• Vary sentence length and arrangement.

• Use active voice whenever possible. A passive voice slows the pace and the reader.

Active voice: Our Company produces ten thousand widgets each month.

Passive voice: Ten thousand widgets are produced each month by our company.

• Use positive statements.

Positive: As a leader in total home security, Trusty Alarms can protect your investment.

Negative: No other security company can protect your investment like T rusty Alarms.

• Keep verb tenses consistent and understandable.

Common verb tense errors:

I should have went to their office yesterday. [should have gone]

The dog has bit the boy seriously. [has bitten]

• Use strong nouns and verbs to eradicate as many adjectives and adverbs as possible.

• Write to “express,” not “impress” the reader. If the right word is long, use it, but if a shorter word will do, use the shorter word.

• Ensure that your words can’t be misinterpreted; e.g., the senior citizens were reluctant to book their holiday to the “hot” destination described by the travel agent.

• Get to the point and finish.

• Never state the obvious as it wastes words; e.g., never begin a sentence with “I am writing you…” of course you are, start right in.

• Avoid wishy-washy openings; e.g., Do you like…

• Avoid clichés. Tired expressions such as “a good time was had by all” are annoying and lack creativity.

• Write the way you talk. Keep the tone conversational, but grammatical.

• Read everything out loud. If you stumble over a word or phrase – revise it.

• Proofread for spelling and grammatical errors.

How to choose the best better half for life? Let’s use the investment

I’m a fan of Warren Buffett, the world’s greatest investor. He took $100 and turned it into a multibillion-dollar company. In the latest Forbes “richest people” list, he was declared the richest man in the world.

This is admirable, of course, but it’s how he got there that has always interested me – things about his personality and character.

He’s known for his cool head about investing, and for sticking with companies he says he “understands.” He avoided the NASDAQ rush, and instead invests in such companies as Dairy Queen. He’s been known to hold interviews there; he likes the place.

Yes, I have eaten in fancy restaurants and had my share of ganache. However, DQ has the chocolate malt I searched for my whole life, so I stop right there. I know what I want, and look for substance, which is what I think Warren Buffett is all about.

I recall Julia Child being asked what were the best French fries, and her reply blew us all away: McDonalds’. Wouldn’t you agree? I do; when they’re freshly fried.

Somehow we feel better when Julia Child gives us “permission” to consider McDonald’s French fries so good. There’s something a little shady about getting the “best” for pennies. We doubt our perceptions. And this is where Buffett’s “cool head” comes in. It’s emotional to be in doubt about naming McDonald’s French fries “best” because they’re fast food. If we do, we are outthinking ourselves, complicating things, bringing in emotion. Likewise if we don’t trust our own perceptions and have to ask an expert, like Julia.

I’ve often used Warren Buffett for examples of emotional intelligence, i.e., being able to manage your emotions and avoid self-sabotage. The stock market is highly emotional, causing individuals to panic, get manic, think and act irrationally. Buffett believes in making a well-thought out decision and then sticking with it. Choose the best. Then don’t worry about the rest. (No, he isn’t into a diversified portfolio. Interesting, isn’t it?)

He also doesn’t do “designer” things like split his stock. He also doesn’t sell out from under his investors. He’s never sold a share of Berkshire-Hathaway, and he’s never split the stock. Buy and hold.

Okay, now let’s apply this investment philosophy and modus operandi to one of the most significant decisions you will ever make: Your Life Partner.

We have all experienced the effects of the 50% divorce rate in the US – give or take some percentage points. We know how important a lasting and good relationship is to our health – physical, mental and emotional. We know these things from research:

· A divorce stresses a man more than smoking a couple of packs a day.

· People who are married live longer and are healthier.

· Toxic relationships destroy our immune systems; therefore our health.

· We need another person to regulate our biorhythms. Not “should have,” or “it would be better if,” but NEED. (Lewis, MD, Amini, MD, and Lannon, MD).

Warren Buffett’s Rule Number One is: Don’t lose money. His Rule Number Two is: Don’t forget Rule Number One. He has often said an investor doesn’t have to be a genius and do a lot of things right, as much as he or she must avoid big mistakes.

Choosing the wrong marital partner is one of the biggest mistakes we can make. Rule Number One: Don’t choose the wrong marital partner. Rule Number Two: Don’t forget Rule Number One.

Buffett has also said, “Investing is like batting a baseball except that you get as many pitches as you want and you never have to swing. Wait for the ‘home run ball’ before investing.”

If you have your act together and good emotional intelligence, you don’t HAVE to marry anyone. You can wait for the home run pitch.

This also applies: “The ability to say ‘no’,” says Buffett, “is a tremendous advantage to an investor. Most investment ideas should be said ‘no’ to.” And what does it take to be able to say “no”? Being centered. Having emotional intelligence. Knowing exactly what you’re looking for. Trusting yourself.

This philosophy isn’t about “buy low and sell high,” and perhaps this should not be your philosophy in relation to marriage either. Why not instead choose the best, stick with it, and reap the rewards.

Buffett has made investments that didn’t work out. “I want to [be able to] explain my mistakes,” he says. “This means I do only the things I completely understand.”

This goes to emotional intelligence as well. If you choose a partner for good reasons – including your intuition (and Buffett says he always trusts his “eyes” above anything else) – and it doesn’t work out, you will understand why.

This is way ahead of doing something without being mindful, without having thought it through carefully. Yes, you are making a decision about romance, a decision of the heart, but its right in the place where emotional intelligence sits – at that interface between intellect and emotions.

How so? Here’s an example. Let’s say you fall in love and you don’t do the intellectual foreplay. You fail to investigate about children, for instance, in this impending second marriage. Once married, it turns out, that you obstinately do not want any more children, while she wants her first child more than anything on earth, including pleasing you.

You see the problem. There is no concession here.

It would’ve been difficult to turn away from marrying someone he was so in love with, but not nearly as painful in the long run – to him, to his children by his first marriage, to his pocketbook, to the woman, and to his self-esteem – as getting divorced a second time over an issue that hadn’t been thought through.

If you both have thought and felt your way into the decision (using your emotional intelligence), you’re mindful. If you haven’t thought it through, when it doesn’t work out you are left struck dumb over the outcome, hit much harder emotionally, clueless, unable to correct and move forward, and worst of all, condemned to do the same thing again. That’s what happens when you’re on auto-pilot.

Another one said his friend told him when he was dating, “That woman will never set foot on your boat once you two are married.” How did the friend know when the other didn’t? Thinking in addition to feeling. Emotions can fog our thinking. The emotion of love is most delightful, most seductive … like the NASDAQ was in 1999.

Remember Rule Number One.

Remember Rule Number Two.

Rule Number One was “don’t marry the wrong person,” because the assumption is you want to marry the right person. Therefore, you must know what the “right person” looks like. Do your homework as carefully as you look them over at bat. Then you’ll know the home run pitch when it comes across the plate.

Valentine One Radar Detector

What’s a road trip if you can’t burn rubber and go foot-to-the-pedal fast? But to protect you from Boss Hogg’s police speed radar, you might want to invest in a Valentine One Radar Locator that, unlike most sensors, has front and rear antennae to locate every radar threat. Results are sent to an onboard computer that analyzes the precise location of the police in the area, allowing you to drive accordingly.

The 2006 DUXIANA Travel Pillow

Get comfy: Driver and passengers should invest in a 2006 Duxiana Travel Pillow from the luxury Swedish bed makers. The 16×20-inch pillow is made from the finest soft white goose down and covered in a white sateen pillow case. It comes in a waterproof carrier that can be folded to a third of its size, making it easy to transport. It offers great comfort and neck support in a car—headrests get sticky—but is even better on the bed of that roadside motel where the pillows are made of bricks.

GPS System: Garmin nüvi 350

Originally developed by the Department of Defense for use on military maneuvers, GPS is now used by millions of ordinary motorists just to help them get home at night. An essential tool on any road trip, there are dozens of systems to choose from, but the portable, pocket-sized Garmin nüvi 350 is among the best. Functional straight out of the box, it’s preloaded with street maps and a database of hotels, bars, restaurants and ATMs of foreign cities. Key in your destination and it will direct you with 2-D or 3-D maps and turn-by-turn voice direction as well as notify you about traffic jams or road construction ahead. Fun extras include an MP3 player, audio book player, JPEG picture viewer and currency converters. All-in-all the ideal personal travel assistant.

CarMD

The nifty hand-held “Car Doctor” helps avoid you from breaking down, or at least tells you what the problem is when you do. Winner of the 2007 Consumer Electronics Association “Innovation Award,” it’s a portable diagnostic tool that you plug into your car’s internal computer (it only works for vehicles made after 1996) and it tells you what certain flashing lights mean or what’s ailing your vehicle. It can give second opinions after a check-up and, after you download the results onto www.CarMD.com, suggest likely repairs and estimated costs—all for $89.99. You may never need a mechanic again.

Spy Camera Sunglasses with MP4

Ever felt shy about taking a picture of a Tuareg warrior as you motor through the Sahara, or the cute girl in the MG convertible you pass cruising through Provence? Now, like an undercover agent, you can film unnoticed with these Spy Camera Sunglasses created by Hong Kong company Deke. A hidden camera with a 92-degree field of vision is built into the bridge frame of the shades and connected by a small wire to an MP4 in your shirt or jacket pocket. It produces super-crisp digital video recordings which you can then download to your computer via a USB port. The future’s bright—and a bit Bond.

Globalstar Handheld Satellite Phone

We’re assuming you already have a cellphone, but for the parts of your trip when you’re without a signal—out of petrol in the Yukon Delta or lost in prairie Kansas, perhaps—you’d be wise to have a satellite phone with you. A Globalstar Hand Held has advantages over other sat phones in that it’s not much larger than a regular cellphone and operates on a standard U.S. dialing system. It also functions while on the move, so you can call for help while running away from a grizzly bear. It works virtually anywhere outside of cellular range and still operates when local telephone infrastructure is interrupted.

Sony’s Handycam Digital Video Camera

Even though your travel buddies are bound to have standard digital cameras with them, and you can already record film with your Spy Camera Sunglasses, there’s something unique about filming the road as you drive, and for this we recommend Sony’s DCR-DVD108 Handycam Camcorder. Equipped with Super SteadyShot Image Stabilization that controls shake and vibration, you can place the camera on your car dashboard as you drive and it will still produce smooth, clear footage. It also has a Super NightShot Infrared System that captures natural-looking video in low light up to 20 feet away. Best of all, the simple operating system records directly onto DVD, allowing you to immediately share the footage when you transfer discs to your laptop or hotel room’s DVD system.

Avalanche Picnic Cooler on Wheels

California-based company Picnic Time have been manufacturing high-quality picnic baskets since 1982, and this mobile rolling cooler with a 36-can capacity food section, waterproof lining, and thermoguard insulation to keep drinks cold is the best of the lot. It holds four eating plates, stainless-steel cutlery, cutting boards, corkscrew, cheese knife, and salt and pepper shakers. Plus, the wheels and telescopic handle make it easy to pack and carry as a suitcase. If short of space, pack this thing instead of a suitcase.

Panasonic Toughbook CF52 laptop computer

With its magnesium alloy casing, flexible internal connectors and shock-mounted hard drives and LCDs, the latest Panasonic Toughbook is so durable, you can throw it in the back of a pick-up truck and off-road over the Rockies, and it’ll still work fine. A spill-resistant keyboard also means that it’s OK when your kid accidentally drips her soda on it. The main attraction however is that it’s engineered for 3G (third-generation) wireless, so you can stay online in all the areas that the major cellphone networks cover. Opt for the improved video and Vista performance model that includes a faster CPU, 512MB dedicated VRAM, and a larger 120GB hard drive.