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Compromising in relations

Saturday, June 28th, 2008

compromise.bmpCompromising is very much like setting boundaries, or drafting an agreement or honoring a commitment. These are basic skills for life in general and are important skills for a successful relationship with co-workers, friends and also love relationships.

Too many people feel that compromise takes away from who they are as an individual, or is a sign of weakness or makes them appear to be the passive partner in a relationship. Compromise is nothing like that at all unless you make the wrong compromises!

Knowing how to compromise is a key component to a healthy and relationship of any type that you hope will last a long time or perhaps a lifetime. Without the willingness and ability to compromise, your work, friendship and committed relationships can be at risk for failure. If you have experienced failed relationships in your past, now is the time to break those old habits and create new ones.

What are ‘wrong compromises’? Wrong compromises are where you have you suffered a loss when you compromised with someone. If a compromise makes you feel taken advantage of or wronged then it is not a healthy compromise in any type of relationship.

Keep in mind when making a compromise you need to keep three key elements in play:

1. Mutual respect for all involved

2. Complete honesty in how you feel and think

3. Good intentions and good will for all involved

Before you compromise with anyone about anything, create some basic ‘rules’ or guidelines that each person agrees to and will honor during the conversation regarding what you are trying to compromise on. Below are a few you can use or modify to fit your relationship.

· It is unacceptable to all parties involved that anyone will experience a substantial loss.

· It is crucial to the success of the compromise that each person trust that the other will not take advantage of him or her or otherwise harm the other(s) in any way.

· It is a mutual agreement that each person involved commits to as close to a win/win result as is possible.

· Neither person will agree to a compromise if he or she thinks or feels they can not or will not be able to live with the compromise.

Be sure to add any others that will help you become willing and able to compromise. Write them down if that helps keep everyone on the same page. Update them as your relationship progresses and perhaps your thoughts and feelings on issues change.

There should be no room for fears or past behavior. No one in any relationship wants to deal with an old, injured part of you! Put those past behaviors and thought patterns behind you and create a fresh new mindset for all your future relationships!

Become the full expression of your passionate, loving and wonderful self. Repair the disillusionment and disappointment from the past by trusting yourself to make the right choices, seeking counsel if you feel you are not making a right choice and be totally open and honest with those you have relationships with whether in a work, personal friendship or love relationship situation.

Become willing to be your best self in the here and now and act from your authentic, integrated self. You’re worth it!

Overcoming public speech nervousness

Saturday, June 28th, 2008
by Sck

The taxi was late, and you’ve only just made it to the reception. You’re breathing hard, your hands have gone all clammy and your heart is pounding so loudly you look around to see if anyone can hear it. The speeches have already started. You start madly fumbling in your coat pocket for your speech notes. ‘Oh no, where have they gone?’ Then it’s your turn. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, may I please have your attention for… the Groom!’

Don’t worry, there’s absolutely nothing unusual about feeling nervous - it happens to the best of us. I’ve known grooms who would rather jump out of an aeroplane at 10,000 feet than stand up in front of a room full of people. And I’m not only talking about men who’ve never had to make a speech in their lives. Many lawyers, doctor’s, teacher’s and even businessmen can suffer with nerves on their ‘big’ day. Then again, some groom’s seem to make it all look so easy - but just how do they do it?

The two essential elements to a successful speech are preparation and delivery. Put a little time and effort into both and you will end up a winner, and wonder why you ever doubted yourself in the first place.

>> Speech Preparation

1. Your speech should consist of an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. Write down your speech on paper well in advance (weeks) of the wedding. Have it proof read by family member or a friend.

2. Keep it short and simple, and leave them wanting more. Use your best material at the beginning and the end of your speech. Start and end with impact.

3. If you don’t know most of the audience, it’s a good idea to identify yourself, for example, “Hi, my name is John and I met Chris at college.”

4. Include fond memories of the bride and groom from your own past. If you’d like to make the speech funny, by all means do so.

5. DO NOT mention previous relationships that the groom or bride may or may not have had (don’t spread rumor or gossip).

6. The wedding speech should be concluded with joyful, heartfelt words.Wedding Speech Express your very best future wishes, acknowledge the joy you’ve experienced in seeing this couple unite, and your happiness in sharing it with them. Speak sincerely and from the heart, and you’ll never sound contrived.

>>Speech Delivery

1. Go into the reception with a positive attitude, thinking that ‘The audience are going to like me and I am going to like them’.

2. First impressions count. The first impression is the lasting impression, so the first few moments of interaction are the most important in the rapport building process with the audience.

3. Be conscious of your appearance. You wouldn’t want lipstick smeared over your cheek would you?

4. Body Language. Be aware of your own body language. Stand up straight and look confident, coat unbuttoned, arms and legs apart, palms exposed, leaning forward and smiling.

5. Make eye contact, by taking slow ’sweeps’ back and forth across the room as you speak, so that everyone will feel included. This is a useful technique is for reassuring the audience and winning people’s attention.

6. Think of your audience. Try to engage with them, rather than speaking ‘at’ them. How about a little audience participation, for example, if you know one or two faces in the audience, speak to them, using their names.

7. Be prepared for interruptions. Yes, they do happen, so enjoy them, particularly the funny ones. These ‘comedy breaks’ provide useful thinking time, and also people will remember your speech as the one that got the laughs.

8. Laughs. If you’ve made a funny remark and are expecting a laugh, then wait for it. If it doesn’t come, tell the people that they were supposed to laugh and refuse to continue until they do.

9. Slow Down And Take Your Time. Each sentence of your speech may seem to be taking forever to you, but will really only be a few seconds to your audience.

Woman - Best business deal crackers

Friday, June 27th, 2008

Made all the arrangements to crack that business deal worth millions, but still apprehensive? Well, then get a woman involved in the negotiation, for according to a new research, the ladies may be more skilled in the talks than their masculine counterpartsbest-negotiators

According to the research, feminine touch could be a company’s secret weapon.

Dr. Yael Itzhaki of Tel Aviv University’s Faculty of Management at the Leon Recanati Graduate School of Business Administration carried out simulations of business negotiations among 554 Israeli and American management students at Ohio State University, in New York City, and in Israel.

“Women are more generous negotiators, better co-operators and are motivated to create win-win situations,” says Itzhaki.

The results of her Ph.D. thesis project indicated that in certain groupings, women offered better terms than men to reach an agreement. And women were good at facilitating interaction between the parties, she says.

negotiatorsThe model involved negotiating the terms of a joint venture, including the division of shares. The point of the simulations was to examine how women behave in business situations requiring cooperation and competition.

Itzhaki also discovered that men have begun to incorporate feminine strategies into their negotiating styles.

“Women in mid-management positions are criticized for being too ‘cooperative’ and ‘compassionate,’ so they don’t get promoted. Then men come in and use the same tactics women are criticized for.”

Although both men and women can be good negotiators, Itzhaki emphasizes that there should be more women in top management jobs. Women have unique skills to offer, Itzhaki says, “They’re great listeners, they care about the concerns of the other side, and they’re generally more interested in finding a win-win situation to the benefit of both parties than male negotiators.”

A lot of women don’t care to “fight” to be recognized, she says, preferring cooperation over competition. But more women in management can translate to a healthier bottom line, Itzhaki says.

“Businesses need to develop an organizational culture where everyone is heard, because women’s opinions and skills can give businesses a competitive edge,” she said.

Deal Done

Know your eating habits

Friday, June 27th, 2008

Diet and physical activity have a major effect on your cholesterol. Eating healthy foods and exercising regularly can help you lower your cholesterol or maintain a normal level. Likewise, lack of physical activity and poor food choices can send your cholesterol soaring.

Foods to Beware

Saturated fat is the main food culprit for high cholesterol. Saturated fats are mostly found in marbled meat, poultry with skin and full-fat dairy products. Experts recommend limiting saturated fat to less than 10 percent of your daily calories. Lowering your consumption of saturated fats has been proven to lower LDL cholesterol.

It is also important to be mindful of the cholesterol in food. Experts say not to consume more than 300 milligrams of cholesterol each day. Eggs, cheese, sour cream, butter, meat and poultry all contain cholesterol.

Lastly, the trans fat in packaged baked goods like crackers, cakes and cookies, fried foods and some margarine is a worry. The latest recommendation is to keep harmful trans fat intake below one percent.

Foods to Fill Your Plate

At the same time, there is a universe of foods that when eaten in abundance can help lower your cholesterol.

Fiber-rich fruits, vegetables, beans and oats all have proven cholesterol-fighting benefits. Studies have demonstrated that fiber lowers cholesterol. It also makes you feel full, which can help control weight. Experts recommend eating 25 to 38 grams of fiber daily, depending on your sex and your age. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) lets oat makers put a “heart-healthy” claim on their products because of oats’ ability to decrease total cholesterol and LDL cholesterol.

Fish are low in saturated fat and high in heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids that can help lower cholesterol. Experts advise eating at least two servings of baked or grilled fish each week. Wild salmon is a top choice because it is so healthful, but other good fresh fish to consider are flounder, trout, tuna and halibut. Walnuts and flax seeds are some non-fish sources of omega-3 fatty acids. In September 2004, the FDA okayed a “heart healthy” claim for foods with omega-3 fatty acids.

Soy foods such as soy milk, soy burgers, tofu and edamame (whole soybeans) may lower your risk of heart disease when eaten as part of a low-fat, low-cholesterol diet, according to the FDA. The advice is to eat 25 grams of soy protein each day, which is the equivalent of a little over three cups of soy milk.

Nuts, including almonds, walnuts, peanuts, pecans, macadamias and pistachios, help lower cholesterol. Experts believe this is due to the combination of polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats they contain. When weaving nuts into your diet, keep in mind that they are caloric.

Experts believe that polyunsaturated fats (including nuts, seeds and safflower, sesame and corn oils) and monounsaturated fats (including avocados and canola, olive and peanut oils) may help lower your cholesterol when you consume them instead of saturated fats. All the same, nutritionists advise using all fats sparingly.

Exercise

Working out on a regular basis lowers LDL cholesterol and raises HDL cholesterol levels. It also helps you achieve and maintain a healthy weight, which is beneficial not only for your heart health but for your overall health. Experts say to aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise each day.

Family History

Another risk factor for high cholesterol is genetics. Some people have high cholesterol because it runs in their family. If you have a family history of high cholesterol or heard disease, it is more important than ever to eat right, exercise regularly and maintain a healthy weight.

Maintaining long distance bonds

Friday, June 27th, 2008

Neither a break-up time bomb nor a recipe for relationship disaster, long-distance relationship offer the best of both worlds!

Long Distance RelationshipsI’ve interacted with many couples who are in a long-distance relationship and my conclusion after looking at these happy couples is that it does provide the best of both worlds. Take the case of Kelly Page. Married to a shippie, she meets her husband twice a year for 2 months. “It is certainly the best time in our lives. We are now married for 14 years, but even today the thought of meeting him sets my heart a flutter. Also all these years have made me fiercely independent and I have my own set of activities and social circle, but yet the time spent with my husband is what I cherish the most. I prefer this space in our relationship”

Like Kelly there are many who are totally for long distance relationships.Long Distance Relationships It gives them the space to be themselves and at the same time they are able to preserve the freshness of their relationship! Here are a few learnings from them you could use, if you are also getting into one.

1. Trust matters: One of the most important factors in any relationship is that of trust, and when you are in a long-distance relationship it becomes all the more vital. But you need to be smart too; the idea isn’t to trust blindly. Make friends in the vicinity of your mate’s house, and subtly keep a check on him without both knowing you are doing so. Never make it obvious. Once in a while drop in unexpectedly, but don’t make a habit of it, it will become obvious.

Long Distance Relationships2. Keep communication open: Be in touch with your mate. Online chats, telephone conversations and having him on your mind plays an important role in maintaining a long distance relationship. If you feel something isn’t right, talk openly about it, resolve all your fears and insecurities. It will only strengthen the bond.

3. When you meet, make sure you both have a memorable time: Make a list of all that you want to do when your mate comes over and do it all. Tell him to do the same. This will make both of you look forward to theLong Distance Relationships time spent with each other.

4. Try not to be on your best behaviour when your partner’s around, the advice is to be yourself. This will ensure that there aren’t any false expectations when the two of you eventually start living together.

5. Know each other’s social circle: It is important to know each other’s friends and social circles well. Otherwise when either of you go visiting, it will become awkward if you aren’t familiar with each other’s friends. This will also give you both a feeling of acceptance, which is important in the relationship.

6. Talk out about the future: Don’t keep pushing the issue of who will eventually move in, under the carpet. It is necessary to resolve whatever conflicts arise in this matter in the initial stages itself, otherwise later the issue will snowball into a larger crisis.




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